Adam and Eve celebrate original independence day
Contrary to its own popular opinion America was not the first to celebrate Independence Day nor are their celebrations the most dramatic.
The original and most dramatic independence day first occurred between Adam and Eve and God a much debated number of years ago.
Apparently they grew tired of serving a tyrannical God who made them and then expected that they’d work in the Garden of Eden for no pay.
“We showed him by eating some fruit he explicitly said we couldn’t and leaving that so-called paradise. Now we get to be our own boss,” said Adam in a grainy VHS interview found buried in an ancient tomb.
That decision turned out to be the turning point in their lives and they soon got to experience the joy of thorns, thistles and childbirth pains.
“I can’t believe that he withheld all these great things from us! I’m so glad we didn’t stick around and eat from that so-called Tree of Life. This is real independent living!”
Archaeologists believe that the final expression was actually meant for the eulogy at their funerals when God obliged their request for true independence and returned them to dust.
Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible