Church in uproar over side dish
Oklahoma City, OK- Reports have just come in, an entire church in uproar over what some have dubbed a poisonous, malevolent food being given out a church potluck!
“It all started during our annual church-wide Thanksgiving potluck,” said Lead Pastor Deep Enwide, “We have a Thanksgiving-like meal but not on actual Thanksgiving Day, I mean who wants to spend a holiday with their church anyway? Anyway, during this event we feast on traditional foods and invite the local community to join us. However, it seems that the community didn’t read our postcard sized note on our church door and only the church’s Christians came. Things were going well until one of our deacons observed the offending dish.”
Deacon Dick Bacon, enraged by the questionable side dish attempted to remove it from the premises and spouted a verse on Christ clearing the temple, as he plucked the faux silver platter and tried to run away with it.
Fellow deacon, Biff Gravy, observed what he thought was the act of attempted theft and immediately tackled Bacon in order to save the food, which was wholeheartedly prepared by Mr. Gravy’s wife and fellow deaconess, Flo Gravy. Other attendees observed the fight and joined in, with one long-haired individual grabbing a jaw bone from the buffet to use as a weapon.
Police were called soon after, despite such fights between deacons being all too common, though usually about the color of the carpet.
Local activists have used this event to promote their preferred narrative against Thanksgiving and everything it represents.
Several members were charged with disorderly conduct and were sentenced to extended thanksgiving meals with their relatives.
To prevent future outbreaks of violence, Oklahoma City is fast-tracking a law making it illegal to serve deviled eggs in a Christian church.
Reporter: The lonely rogue