Evangelicals slam The Broom Challenge as witchcraft!

Church Life

The broom challenge, where you have to make a broom stand on its bristles and then posting it on social media, has gone viral and evangelicals have been quick to condemn it as witchcraft.

“The broom challenge is clearly Satan’s doing,” said Jim Daly, leader of Focus on the Family, “once I saw brooms standing hypnotically online, I immediately submerged my laptop in anointing oil!”

The church of the Spitting Saints has offered to pray for those involved as soon as they have worked up enough phlegm.  Benny Hinn has offered his support by using his gifting to knock down all the vertically possessed brooms.

In a surprise announcement even the bishop and head of the United Methodist Church, Kenneth H. Carter, opposed the broom challenge, “Yes, I can confirm we are against it. I mean, there has to be at least one thing that we are opposed to.”

Meanwhile, politicians have been quick to claim the standing brooms are evidence of climate change: “Global warming is the only possible explanation!” yelled one of them at our reporter.

Those who practice witchcraft denied that it was anything to do with them. However, Christians have refused to believe them as they serve the Father of Lies. 

As a result, a gung-ho group of lawyers, pastors, and fast casual workers have formed a council in Danvers Massachusetts (formerly Salem, Massachusetts) in order to confront these practitioners in a biblical way (with two or more witnesses):

“God was very clear in the Old Testament that we should purge this kind of evil by stoning the individuals concertned,” said an anonymous member of the council. “What could be a better way to reach others for Christ?”

Reporter: The lonely rogue

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