Global grief over warehouse megachurch fire

Church Life

Only days after the Notre Dame Cathedral fire brought international woke responses another church fire has brought a global outpouring of grief.

This time it was at the Grace Synergy megachurch main campus, a seemingly nondescript, big box, multi-purpose facility in Wichita, Kansas built from a converted warehouse.

The fire started during the Friday worship experience and led to over 200 young people being treated for smoke inhalation at the local hospital.

“At first we thought we must have left the fog machine on,” said Jaxon Phillips, the worship leader, “or maybe the vaping had got out of hand. But as people were falling on the ground during the tenth time through the bridge I realised that either this was the glory cloud or the building was on fire.  I took no chances, grabbed my luxury sneakers and ran for the exit.”

Flames soon engulfed the building and while fireman sought to bring the fire under control the town’s residents gathered around weeping and singing oceans.  Except for the bassist who just swayed as there was nowhere to plug in.

There was a palpable sense of reverence amongst the people over the loss of this sacred space.

Megachurch pastor Steve Starr added, “We followed our emergency action plan and managed to save the Van Der Westen Speedster coffee machine and a small number of flags used by our prophetic dance group.”

The fire was put out in the early hours of the morning leaving the building just a shell of its former shell.  But long before then the international community had expressed its solidarity with Pastor Steve and over $3 billion had been pledged to help rebuild this cultural  icon even bigger and better than before.

“It was a blessing in disguise. We knew our online campus was growing, but this really set it ablaze” said the Jed “the man” Manson, Director of Online Vibes, “I think it was the functional utility of the building that captured the imagination of millions around the globe.”

The leadership team are already drawing up plans for a state-of-the-art multimedia auditorium with a coffee shop, vaping bar and mini-golf course.

The cause of the fire is as yet unknown, but already fingers are pointing at members of Westboro who were picketing outside yelling and holding signs: “God is impartial” and “Judgement on the heretics”.

If you were moved by the loss of this holy venue and would like to donate then please click here.

Idea by Drew Dyck author of Your Future Self Will Thank You with additional reporting by Marshall Gallagher, Hipster Evangelical, Derek Hiebert, Pastor Scott, Mark Brown and John Spencer.

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