IFB Preachers Shocked to Discover Bible Section That Does Not Mention Rock and Roll Music

Church Life

IFB preachers and critics of modern worship music all over America were taken aback when they discovered a portion of the Bible that does not mention the evils of Rock and Roll or Contemporary Christian Music.

“Whoa! Did you know there’s this whole section of the Bible – from Genesis 1:1 to Revelation 22:21 – that never ONCE mentions modern music???” exclaimed noted theologian and CCM critic Dr. Jeff Godwin. “Mind, blown.”

(Editor’s note – although Dr. Godwin’s inflection indicated shock and incredulity, his facial expression never changed…so we’re not 100% sure his mind was actually blown.)

And given that these are the same people who are so thorough in their research that they even watch Superbowl halftime show to “confirm” its depravity.

At a recent concave of IFB preachers known for their multiple sermons against Christian rock, thrash, rap or any other form of CCM, arguments and debates over finding this portion of scripture that fails to condemn modern music became heated.
Some, like Dr. John Hamblin and David Cloud, refused to consider this new information and screamed, “Hashtag Old Paths!” over and over, while others wondered aloud if maybe they should try preaching a sermon from this section of God’s Word every once in a while.

Unfortunately for the second group, it was decided that anyone who wished to remain an IFB preacher in good standing must continue to preach sermons demonizing modern styles of music without appealing to any scripture, just as they’ve always done. #OldPaths

In case you’re unconvinced of the dangers of syncopation, our reporter Northworst Seminary has the details in this tweet.  Stay safe readers.

Reporter: Jeff the Comma Head

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