Joel Osteen bitten by werewolf. Releases Halloween book!

We at the Cee genuinely thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse when we heard that Stephenie Meyers had released a new Twilight book but how little did we know.

As we head into Halloween 2020, we have received official confirmation that Joel Osteen has contracted lyncanthropy after being bitten by a werewolf.

The consequences of this are huge!

It was bad enough when Joel covered his signature smile with a facemask and plunged the world into darkness – but what will be the consequences of him turning into a rabid wolf on the full moon?

It appears that Pastor Osteen anticipated the concerns and has released a book telling his readers that not only is he doing well as a werewolf – but he is living his best life nooooooooooooooooooow.

OK.

I’ll see myself out.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible