Kids Pastors. How Hard Is Their Job, Really?

Opinion Piece. Not the opinions of those of us at the Salty Cee, but somebody, somewhere has these opinions, for sure.

How hard is it to be a children’s pastor? Doesn’t their job basically consist of throwing candy at small children, telling them that Jesus loves them, singing a few silly songs and then sending them on their way?

You teach a kid “Father Abraham” and they’re stuck in a loop for the next 30 minutes, swinging left arms, and right legs, and turning around. Then give them some gummy bears with a short devotional you read in a Rick Warren book that sounded pretty good at the time, and ask them to politely leave.

Right? That’s all it consists of when you get down to it! You don’t really need that waterslide to the baptismal, or that slime pit to illustrate the grossness of sin. You don’t even need to recruit the only person in the entire church who knows how to play the ukulele. You just need a bag of Jolly Ranchers, a few Bible verses, and an old sock puppet you bought at a thrift store.

And boom. You have an effective kids ministry.

Frankly, pastors, if you have a kids pastor on staff, you’re likely overpaying him/her to do a rather simple job.

Who really has time to explain the Trinity to an 8-year-old?

Who really wants to invest good time and effort into making sure a child understands the why behind their baptism, when you really just need to dunk them in some water and count that as church growth?

Kids just need to accept Jesus, they don’t need a solid foundation in theology – they’ll get that at college!

So feel free to just recruit anyone, even that shady old dude who just started attending your congregation – you know, the dude with the teardrop tattoo – and ask them to consider being your kid’s pastor! Literally, anybody can do this job!

The truth is, kids pastors have it pretty easy, and aside from that one time that one 6-year-old peed in his chair, their jobs are pretty light.

You don’t have to say Amen. But I know you did. Several times as you read this.

Reporter: Crass Christian