2020 now officially the longest year on record!


The Guinness Book of Records just issued a statement declaring that 2020 is now officially the longest year on record since records began.

“Most years have 365 days, with Leap Years having 366 days, but 2020 has already had over 380 days and we’ve not even hit Halloween yet!” said a spokesman.

“The closest to this record was 1666 with the plague and the great fire of London which by this point felt like 350 days.”

It is thought that the year being longer is the reason people didn’t react in shock when Starbucks starting selling pumpkin spice drinks a month early, as people already felt they were well into Autumn.

Our reporter can also confirm that shoppers seem unconcerned about Christmas goods already being sold in stores before Thanksgiving.

“This is no bad thing,” said Pastor Perry Noid who runs a local support group to help members resist listening to Christmas music before Thanksgiving, “I think feeling like the end of 2020 is near will actually give many people the encouragement to keep going.”

However, not everyone shares this optimism. Jed Thomas from the Institute of Research commented, “I think it’s going to feel like Narnia pretty soon where it’s always winter and never Christmas.  That’s when the rioting will start with surplus Brussel Sprouts being utilised as dangerous missiles that not even masks will protect people from…”

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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