Man Upset to Learn NSA Not Actually Listening Through His Phone
MONTANA – Dirk “Smith” who refused to give us his real last name, called into the newly founded Salty Cee headquarters to complain, “As no other news source will take me seriously, I hope you fellers could help a dude out!”
Dirk then went on a 4 hour rant or maybe longer, we walked away for awhile – about how he recently discovered that the United States Government was not actually listening in on the telephone conversations he was having.
He realized that, apparently, the government simply does not care about what types of pizza he orders, or how many. He also recently learned the NSA and FBI have bigger problems, as does the CIA, than what political posts he shares on Facebook.
Mr. “Smith” claims he has been dropping secret codes on Instagram in the pictures he posts of his Boston Terrier, named “Anthrax.” During calls with the local Domino’s Pizza, other clues were left for the government to learn his current whereabouts (likely the address where the pizzas were to be delivered).
Dirk made sure he littered his conversations with what he refers to as ‘easter egg words,’ like ‘pepperoni and terrorism with extra cheese pizza toppings’ and ‘Hillary is a 17th level black witch’, and stuff. Which, also confused the Domino’s worker taking his order.
Hillary Clinton is, obviously, known to only be a 16th level witch, and since the Coven Accords of 1972 is neither recognized by the white or black order, as they were disbanded at that time.
More updates sure to come, if the interns here at Salty Cee check their inbox, as Dirk “Smith” promised to “keep ya posted.”
Reporter: Crass Christian