Millennial Sues Mother for Slander


In shocking news, a Seattle Millennial has sued his mother for slander after being offended by something she posted on the internet.

Now some Millennials need to make use of the Pokémon Go:Millennial game to find offences, but sadly this young man had it thrust in his face (almost literally).

The unidentified man (pronouns he/him) filed the civil suit after his mother posted on her Facebook page a picture of the young man when he was a baby with a “Return to Sender” sticker on the baby’s forehead.

Interviewed on a local radio talk show, the man stated, “this is deeply troubling to me. I fear I have suffered irreparable harm to my self-esteem. My psyche has been terribly damaged by this. I didn’t even have ”

The man, who was recently photographed spitting on a street preacher during Seattle’s Summer of Love festival, was overwrought with emotion as he continued, “I have experienced nothing but negative consequences since the picture was posted. My girlfriend refuses to be seen with me, my peers have ostracised me and just yesterday I was told I’m not welcome at the climate change seminar. It seems everyone has abandoned me.”

“My mother was always harsh with me. I remember when I was about six years old. I wanted to have breakfast with the Easter Bunny more than anything in the world. My mother refused to take me. She told me the Easter Bunny hated me and didn’t want to spend time with me. It wasn’t until years later that I realized my mother was too cheap to pay the ten dollars for the breakfast. No matter, I was traumatized by her words and to this day I harbor a great sadness. Even now, when I see a wild rabbit in my parent’s backyard I burst into tears.”

The interview ended with the young man insisting, “this has ruined my life. I wish I had never been born, but they never even asked what I thought about it before they conceived me!”

Reporter: Sweetwater Flynn

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