NBA replaces names on Jerseys with social justice causes


After the NBA required players to wear hazmat suits to promote safety during the pandemic, they have taken an even greater stand to change the world by its replacing player names with social justice causes.

“What we’re doing is using I think is using our influence to promote noble causes,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver, “and it’s only coincidental that this appears to be a blatant cash grab.”

The first use of social causes on jerseys was shown on opening day of the 2020 NBA season, in which the Milwaukee Bucs played the Boston Celtics.

“I’m a lifelong NBA and Celtics fan,” said Boston native B.A. Lemming, “and these new names make the game exciting! The barrage of social issues is just as effective as the onslaught of advertisements while watching NASCAR!”

The vast majority (honest) of NBA players are okay with changing their last names with social causes. And in no way does this make these NBA players less marketable.

We interviewed several players at the Bucs and Celtics game and so as not to confuse anyone, we will use their causes to identify them and not their last names.

“I’m happy to play under a different name,” said No Peace No Justice, “as a millionaire there’s simply nothing else that I could do to change the world.”

“Yeah, us NBA players, are not just millionaire elites, but are people truly trying to give everyone in the world a fighting chance,” said Free Abortions for Everyone.

“Some people see this as selling out,” said Meat Is Murder whilst eating a hamburger, “but these causes are close to all of our players hearts.”

“I love my new name,” said Black Lives Matter, “I think it’s great that I can support an organisation that opposes the evil tyranny of capitalism that I’ve made a fortune from.”

Reporter: The lonely rogue

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