Pumpkin Spice monster attacks Tokyo
A 100 ft. tall orange slime monster is currently attacking the city of Tokyo. Local law enforcement and the Japanese military are doing their best to subdue the beast, but nearby cities are currently being evacuated. Experts have revealed that the giant creature is made entirely out of pumpkin spice.
“The U.S. Navy saw the creature emerge from our oceans and go straight to Japan, but we did not warn them,” admitted President Trump, “as the Japanese prime minister recently insulted me on twitter.”
We asked President Trump if anything had been done to prevent the beast from emerging form the water or, actually becoming a sentient, hostile creature in the first place.
“We knew that pumpkin spice was out of control, so we shifted Autumn so it started a month early which meant that shops could sell pumpkin spice earlier in an attempt to stop the monster from growing. We can confirm that this was definitely not a marketing ploy but the preventative action initiated by the US Secretary of State.”
However, it appears despite this move the American people refused to be lured in and the disgusting compound has become a sentient vicious monster.
A spokesperson for the American Millennials claimed that all Millennials had done their part and willing guzzled down pumpkin spice; not one millennial was to blame.
“We’re all a bunch of indebted, broke graduate with nothing better to do than drink a lot of coffee,” said the Spokes Person, “and now the rest of you have allowed pumpkin spice to grow uncontrollably! I can’t even!”
While the Japanese government is in an uproar, the majority of Japanese citizens have shrugged off the attack seeing as their country is always under attack by a giant monster. Some even commented that the orange was a pleasant change.
Reporter: The lonely rogue