Twitter reverses course, promotes Trump merchandise

In a stunning reversal, big tech giant Twitter (NYSE: TWTR -0.070), has apologized for their anti-Trump policies and announced they will attempt to make amends by very…very aggressively promoting Trump merchandise and donating all proceeds to charity.

CEO John “Jack” Dorsey said on his interviews with CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, Fox News, and anyone else who would give him a microphone that the recent news on the importance and effectiveness of double and triple-masking made him realize that, as President-Elected Biden has said, this truly is a time for unity.

Dorsey added that the new line of MAGA masks, sure to be loved by all Trump supporters, come in double and triple packs, form a better seal than even the best N95 masks, are made in the good old USA, and DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE A LAYER OF CONSTRUCTION-GRADE 3-MIL PLASTIC IN THEM.

Dorsey explained to prospective buyers that if it seems difficult to breathe it is only because they are not used to the super-effective double and triple masks and that under no circumstances should they take the mask off…you know…because of the new strains of COVID everywhere.

Honest.

Reporter: Dr. Marcus Gröves