Santa theological brawl in the mall


Police were called to Oak Brook Illinois after a brawl broke out between Santa and a parent of a child brought to Santa’s wokshop.

Witnesses say that Jake Obsorne, who was hired by Oak Brook Center to play St Nicholas, slapped one of the parents after he said that Jesus was a good man.

After the arrest, a number of other parents came forward with complaints about Jake after he laid into them when they wished him “Happy Holidays!”

Oak Brook dismissed Jake after the incident, claiming that his behaviour was “not suitable for someone playing Santa.”

However, Jake, who was a student at a local theological college, is currently seeking damages against Oak Brook for breach of contract.  Jake claims his behaviour was entirely consistent with that of St Nicholas who slapped Arias for claiming that Jesus was created by God and so not co-equal to God at Council of Nicea in AD 325.

“They hired me to play the role of St Nicholas and I did so meticulously.  To then have the audacity to fire me after doing only what St Nicholas did is just wrong!”

Oak Brook declined to comment, but sources suggest that they thought that St Nicholas was just a jolly man in a red suit and hadn’t done their research before hiring Jake.

Will this brawl in the mall mean the end of Santa’s or will future contracts only allow “politically correct” St Nicholas’? 

We’ll let you know.

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible

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