Oscars 2019: World looks forward to being lectured
The world is excited like never before to be lectured to at the Oscars 2019 which will streamed live on February 24.
The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has planned a marathon of woke speeches to educate the unwashed masses.
“We feel that we have a responsibility to educate the less privileged on what they should believe,” says academy President John Bailey.
“We don’t spend $44 million on the ceremony without taking seriously the need to point out the evils of capitalism.”
We at the Cee took time to speak to those who are planning to watch the show:
“I’ve got my coffee and energy drinks ready so I can watch all 4 hours,” says Jed Thomas, “I was worried I would miss out on being told what to think when they were planning to ditch airing some awards to keep the show to 3 hours. But I’m so glad they relented as I’d invested in a caffeine drip specially for this show.”
“I just love how they promote the message of #MeToo,” says Cindy Williams, “and it’s all the more touching that they are diverse enough to honour the perverts within their ranks too.”
“I love how they say more should be given to the poor and marginalised,” sighed Tom Cooper, “I mean they don’t just talk about it but actually do it by giving out $100,000 goody bags to all the nominees.”
“My favourite part is how they promote the environment,” says Allie Burnell, “I mean some of the celebrities are so dedicated to the New Green Deal that they have painted ads on their private jets!”
“Rumours that this spike in excitement is due in part to the new Oscar award for Outstanding achievement in staying interested are completely unfounded,” says academy President John Bailey.
Well there you have it, the Oscars 2019 is on track to be the most patronising one yet.
Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible