Christian disappointed after asking God to bless his burger

Church Life

“I can’t believe no-one ever warned us this kinda thing could happen,” complained Gary Smith from Alabama, “we were just saying grace before tucking into some calorific pancakes and bam!”

Saying grace before meals is common among Christians, though the tradition of saying “bless this food to our bodies” which was started in times where eating the wrong food or poorly cooked food could lead to death.  However, Christians still carry on this tradition at mealtimes without realising the consequences of our words…

Unfortunately for Gary, God took Gary’s words of “bless this food to my body” literally and transformed the artery clogging pancakes into a green salad.

“I don’t want no salad! I don’t care if it’s more healthy or not – I want m’ pancakes.”

It’s not the first time grace has made such a difference. Only last year repeated “bless the hands that prepared this food” led to a hand modelling career for one cook from the Silver Pen Buffet.

Gary is now more careful what he prays: “I ain’t gonna be blessing anything as I might end up with that tofu stuff – so I just say ‘thanks!’ now! Short, sweet and leaves more time for eating”

Professor Von Smartus, an eminent theologian, stated “Proverbs 18:21 tells us that ‘Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.’ This is of course referring to saying grace before your meal and you eat the fruits of what you pray.”

However, theologians are still debating over whether death refers to unhealthy food (like burgers and pancakes) or healthy food (salad and tofu).

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible 

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