Pastor recommends injecting disinfectant to kill sin
This week President Trump mused in a briefing about injecting disinfectant to kill COVID-19. The press were quick to denounce such musings as crazy advice, but Pastor Jed Thomas was quick to realise the benefits for his up and coming church, The Warehouse.
“Jesus said ‘First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.’ and he was talking about how greed and wickedness comes from the inside and so we need cleansing on the inside. That’s where baptism lets us down!”
“Instead of expecting an external baptism to cleanse us from sin – we need an internal cleansing. And drinking or injecting disinfectant is just the ticket!”
Reckitt Benckiser, a spokesperson for Lysol, stated, “Under no circumstance should our disinfectant products be administered into the human body (through injection, ingestion or any other route).”
Pastor Jed is dismissive though, “Look, we tried a deep cleansing baptism using their bleach and it led to hospitalisation and there was no warning on their packet or anything about not using it for baptism. So I really don’t know how much I can trust their advice this time….”
President Trump later insisted that his musing about injecting disinfectant was sarcastic and meant as a joke. As a purveyor of quality humour for two years, we at the Cee could immediately tell that the issue with his joke was his timing. We recommend that the President should not give up his day job just yet and stick to his original idea of seeking re-election in November.
Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible