Universalist Minister Accidentally Mentions the Bible
CRIPPLE CREEK, CO – Local minister Craig Howe of the Rocky Mountain Unitarian Universalist Church has been called to resign after mentioning the bible, offending members of the congregation.
While hanging ‘Black Lives Matter’ signs prior to services, Howe said, “This reminds me of The Good Samaritan, my favorite story in the bible.”
Thus began perhaps the biggest scandal in the church’s history.
Present members started screaming like monkeys, throwing pamphlets in the air. Some tore down rainbow flags from the walls and furiously waved them back and forth. One woman started blowing a pair of air horns. The pastor cowered and ran for the basement.
“When Pastor Craig mentioned the bible, he offended the non-Christians in the room,” said member Karen Hager, “Our church is meant to be a place of inclusion, a safe space for all comers.”
Craig Howe is expected to resign later this week, becoming the church’s second pastor to do so this year.
The previous pastor was forced to resign after declining a date with a transvestite.
“I don’t know if I can ever forgive Craig,” said Hager, “If only there was some literature to provide insight on the act of forgiveness.”
Reporter: Richie Richards