Dear Crass: What was your best bit of working at the Cee before you became famous?

Dear Crass

Dear Crass,

Even though you’re a multi-billionaire, famous megachurch pastor now***, I would be ever so grateful if you could write a paragraph or more about your time with the Cee – perhaps your funniest memory, favourite article you wrote or things that were hard.

You were my favorite writer at the Salty Cee, and if I could, I would hug you and tell you how much better than Furious Christian, Parson Peeves, and all those other lame ducks were who would squabble together a few syllables and call it an article.

Thank you in advance,

Your Editor*

Dear Reader,

First and foremost, thank you for sticking with us at the Cee over the last few years.

I was there Gandalf. I was there three thousand years ago… wait, that’s another story.

But I was there for the beginning of the Salty Cee, well, that wasn’t it’s original name, of course, but we won’t talk about that nonsense with another, more popular satire site that got a bee in their bonnet about a little comedy competition.

No, let’s not focus on that at all. We are, after all, here to say goodbye to a friend. A site that brought us laughter when many of us needed it. Even those who wrote the articles.

I was asked to write about my funniest memory, funniest article I wrote, or things that were hard.

Well, my funniest memory did not involve the Cee (and thankfully did not involve any police being called, either).

Things that are hard include diamonds, solid steel, oak tables… that list could take days, even months to write up and nobody has time for that.

My favorite article that I wrote, well, that would be a lot for someone as humble as myself to admit to, but since I was pressed, oh well, all right.

I think it was my article for Pastor Appreciation Month.

Since writing the article I have, myself, returned to full-time pastoral ministry. But that’s not why I enjoyed it. I showed it to my pastor, who laughed a little, but then asked if I was threatening to kill his pets, but again, that’s not why I liked that article.

Frankly, the fact that I wrote it has little to do with my favorite article at all.

No, it made my wife laugh out loud.

A lot.

For days.

And, I got to see first hand the gift we brought to the world, if even to a small group of readers.

That’s it. That was my favorite.

Proverbs 17:22 reminds us, “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

I like to think we brought healing to some dried up bones in a time when people needed it. Thank you, dear Reader, for letting me do that for you.


The Crass Christian

*The original “Dear Crass” letter was slightly altered for both humor sake, and to protect the ego of the lesser writers who John did not go on to mention, but we all know they’re not at my level, either, so we left them out.**

**This isn’t entirely true, but you get the idea. Hope you enjoyed the laughs.

***The church Crass pastors is actually running less than 100 people and is in the middle of America’s most awesome state, North Dakota. By “awesome” we mean “coldest” but as Crass lives there, we’re willing to bet it is slightly more awesome than it was before he moved there.

Also, Crass is not a billionaire, but he is willing to accept donations if you would like to help him become a billionaire by the age of 40.

He hoped to be a billionaire by this point in his life, and there’s a whole class of students at an underprivileged Middle School that he once promised to pay for their full college tuition… but that’s going to be really awkward when he shows up and can’t pay for anything more than some laptop batteries. Why yes, I did steal this joke from The Office, but stop looking at me like that, comedy is hard and this was funny until you realized it….


If you would like Crass to give you a condescending and irreverent reply to your heartfelt questions then I’m afraid it’s hard luck, as he’s retired.

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