Babylon Bee prays: God smites unauthorised @thebabylonbee Parler account!

“The prayer of a righteous man availeth much!” (James 5:16) and who could be more righteous than the Babylon Bee CEO Seth Dillon?

With more and more republicans moving from Twitter to Parler, it was only a matter of time before the Babylon Bee followed their fan base there.

However, as a late adopter, they were shocked to discover that their God-given name @thebabylonbee was taken, along with @babylonbee.

Rumour has it that Adam Ford, the founder of the Babylon Bee, received the sacred name through a Moses-like encounter with the LORD via a burning office waste-basket.  Sadly, the sprinkler system cut the full message short, which might explain why the Bee has gradually lost its way over time.

CEO Seth Dillon set to work by asking the account holders to surrender their account to them as it is theirs by divine right (and they even trademarked it, so there).

However, the Philistine account holder, like Goliath, must have called out in defiance because Seth contacted Parler to have them forcibly removed called out unto the LORD to smite the unworthy holder.

Today, we can report that only the smoking remains of the account holder remain and the Babylon Bee has gained possession of the Promised Parler Land of milk and honey.

Our British reporter, John Spencer, who still remembers the evil stares of the Babylon Bee’s lawyers back when we were the Babylon Cee thought to stand up for the little man and enquired of the Seth how come there was no mention of this divine right in the bible (and how come there was no listing of the trademark on USPTO).

When Seth blocked us our suspicions were aroused and we started to formulate an excellent conspiracy theory to explain this mystery.

However, Seth graciously unblocked us on Twitter and Parler to explain that wasn’t the reason why he blocked us and tell why us British should be embarrassed for not knowing the inner workings of the American legal system – the greatest legal system in the world (endorsed by Jeffrey Epstein).

He also took the time as a fellow brother in Christ to encourage us about our article sharing this joyous experience…

Sadly, he blocked us again on both Twitter and Parler before we were able to thank him for his kind words. 

We can only hope that one day that our writers can rise from ‘mediocre’ and attain the heady heights of ‘cringeworthy’…

Reporter: John Spencer aka Not the Bible