Washington Redskins changes name again to be even more sensitive!


The Washington Redskins recently retired the Redskins name and logo after increasing pressure from Native Americans and sponsors who criticized the name as racist.

The franchise decided call itself the “Washington Football Team” throughout the upcoming season, starting on Sept 13 against the Philadelphia Eagles, while it finalizes a replacement name and logo for “Redskins.”

According to unnamed sources close to the Washington Football team, nee Redskins, owner Daniel Snyder is close to announcing the new name for his franchise. Those sources indicate the new name will be the Washington Little Big Horns. “Mr. Snyder believes it is a stirring tribute to those Native Americans who stood up for diversity by massacring over two hundred white supremacist near the Little Big Horn River in Montana Territory on June 25 1876.”

The sources also report the new team logo will be a Native American lance piercing a cavalry officer’s hat and the team colors will be changed to blood red and greasy grass green.

Insiders indicate other names considered were the Washington Dollars, appropriate to the inherent greed of the NFL and the Washington Woke, said to be the second most popular name. “It’s appropriate and alliterative but we’re having a damn hard time developing a logo for it.”

However, there is also increasing speculation the team is considering dropping the name Washington. “Technically”, a source close to Snyder stated, “the correct name is Washington D.C. (District of Columbia). Mr. Snyder realizes that George Washington, the Father of our Country, was a racist who benefited from blatant white privilege and that Christopher Columbus perpetrated atrocities against the innocent indigenous peoples of the Americas.”

If the campaigns begin, this could mean that during the coming season, the “Washington Football Team” will have to be renamed “Football Team” to avoid any more bad publicity. 

“Obviously this name is too generic and could mean any team,” said a source at ESPN, “and so like when the popstar Prince changed his name to a symbol, we’ll have to refer to them as ‘the team formerly called the Washington Redskins’.”

If the new name goes ahead, our source at ESPN suspect that they will also hire the middle-aged, out-of-shape Native American who recently demanded an NFL tryout but was passed over by all teams (obviously due to systematic racism) as a way to prove that they are inclusive.

Reporter: Sweetwater Flynn

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