10 things never said in church

Has the COVID-19 lockdown meant you missed out on attending church?

Have you missed all the acting required to appear that everything’s fine?

Do you miss those “prayer requests” that are shared by the old ladies?

Fear not my fellow readers – we at the Cee have compiled a list of 10 things that are never said in Church so you are reassured that you’re not missing out from the following:

1. So many converts have been won, now that we found the right color carpet!
2. I hope the worship band spend at least 30 minutes just playing the bridge of waymaker today!
3. Chick-Fil-A tastes nasty and is overpriced.
4. I’m only here for the exceptional church coffee.
5. Yes, I would love to help out in the crèche!
6. I hope that the service over-runs so I’m late to lunch and miss football.
7. October is domestic violence awareness month
8. “2020 Vision” is a great name for a sermon series
9. Our pastor does great funerals
10. The Christian mumble rappers have really inspired the senior citizens

Have our interns missed anything? 

Please let us know so that we can fire them before pay day!

Reporter: The lonely rogue