Satirical website seeks sympathy for unloved posts

Most websites end the year by sharing their best posts. 

Not us.

You see it’s hard being funny all the time or, in our case, even some of the time.

With more than 250 posts written over our first eight months of life there were bound to be some that didn’t quite hit the mark or indeed land anywhere near the vicinity.

But we’re hopeful that the reason was that these gems were lost in the busyness of the internet (rather than they were truly terrible) and could, maybe just maybe, still give someone somewhere a small chuckle. 

So by analysing more than 17,000 views (mostly by people who accidentally stumbled on this page due to not having suitable filters on their internet protecting them from poor humour) we have found the posts which had the least visits.

And we are asking you, our readers, to give some love (or at least some sympathy) to these posts that in eight months didn’t even make double digits in the number of views. 

We know that someone as caring and frankly undiscerning as you would be more than happy to help make them feel less lonely over this festive season.

After all, it says in the Bible that if one has two laughs you should share them with the post that has none.

OK, look we’re desperate and we’re prepared to bribe you with what we found down between the sofa cushions if you would just show some mercy.

Woman seeking Fountain of Youth lands unbeatable deal on plastic surgery

It appears that no-one was really interested in such vanity. You are clearly wise beyond your years.

Report: Ministry time 40% more effective with music playing

I just thought this would strike a chord (see what I did there?) but it seems that you all come from denominations that pray in silence.

Market in Fools rises on back of Trump NATO comments

OK, it was just too vague a title to garner any interest after Trump’s comments. And it really didn’t say much either. Perhaps it was for the best that this was ignored.

Peahens class action lawsuit against peacock’s sexual advances

I thought this was going to be the article that would trigger every feminist. But apparently it just triggered apathy.

Trump pardons himself after belching

After Trump said he would pardon himself, I just thought…oh OK, I didn’t think that much before I wrote it.

War of 1812 blamed on Canada by Russian Fake News

After Trump got confused over Canada’s roll in the war I thought blaming the russians for his mistake would be funny…hey wait, where are you all going?

International House of Prayer (IHOP) to change name to IHOb

After the International House of Pancakes changed its name, I thought that it would be funny if the ministry with the same initials followed suit. My cat laughed. Well maybe she was just coughing up a furball…

Domino’s uses pineapple pizzas to repair potholes

Dominoes fixing holes in the roads + internets hatred of pineapple pizzas = winner.
Clearly my maths was suspect.

Santa left out in cold after stranger danger campaign

Clearly this article joined Santa in the cold.

Trump Kim Summit skin care product

Trump Kim Nuclear summit = Trump Kim Nu-clear summit.
It was a clever play on words. Clearly, we pitched this one too high for our readers.

Tumblr flags all its images as NSFW “just to be sure”

Clearly our readers shunned this article in case they saw something untoward. We are impressed with your dedication to keeping your eyes pure.

However, we were pleased that less than ten people clicked on the link from our brussel sprouts article to support the work of the “Brussel Sprouts Trust”.  We knew then that you were people of great taste.

And I suppose we should mention that our privacy policy just feels neglected on our website as all that fuss over GDPR. 

Turns out we could have made our fortune from exploiting the data we gathered on you rather than trying to use humour…

On that note, we thank you for sticking with us over the year and we hope that we can continue to make you laugh in the next.